Today marks my 36th year on Earth.
As I reflect on all my years, I’d like to share some of my fondest memories.
As a child, I would look forward to my mom coming home from from school with my cake. Her assistant, Doris, baked my cakes every year. I was always so excited to see how it was decorated. My favorite had a carousel on it.
One year, my sister Beth took me to my first Laker game. That was cool because I got to share that with my mom. One of bucket list items was to see a Laker game!
When I turned 30, Edgar and my staff at OP threw me a party at the Rumba Room. We did it UP; limo, VIP. Bottle service, the whole nine. Good times.
Oh yea, one time when I was still pretty young…maybe 3 or 4. We went to our FAVORITE Mexican restaurant for my birthday. They sang Las Mañanitas to me. I cried and hid under the table. I didn’t understand what and why they were singing to me. I still don’t like to be the center of attention. LOL
Now my birthdays are pretty low key but memories are still made nonetheless. Here’s to many more healthy and memorable born days!!
Tonight, watching Parenthood, something struck me. One of the Moms was diagnosed with breast cancer. It showed her trying to be strong for her family, for her kids, and for herself. But behind closed doors, she was a mess.
I can only think of my mom. When I was born, her whole world was turned upside down. She relied on everyone to take care of me. I can only IMAGINE her pain. Her emotional pain, along with the physical pain that goes along with cancer and radiation. Did she have someone to turn to? A rock? Who helped her get through that tough time? I don’t know any of the answers, but I know she beat that fucking cancer.
Not only to have to go through it ALL over again. But this time, not ever being diagnosed. I know in my heart that she lived with cancer and KNEW it. She didn’t want anyone to know. Why? Because she couldn’t fight anymore? Because she “lived long enough”? What were the reasons? What a hard thing to live with and not reach out for help. Just to live in pain.
I miss her so much and sometimes I wish that she did have more fight in her. But who am I to judge? I’m just a girl, who misses her mom and wishes she had one more day, or week or hour.
I hope that cancer never affects my family again. But if it does, I promise to be all I can for that person.
Finding my happiness in cooking…
Whole Wheat Zucchini Carrot Muffins
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour (other flours would work here too)
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 cup raw agave nectar or raw honey
1 cup unsweetened applesauce
1 cup total of grated carrot and zucchini
1/4 cup rice milk (or milk of choice)
juice and zest of 1/2 a lemon
**raisins, walnuts or chocolate chips, if desired
Preheat oven to 350. Combine dry ingredients in a large bowl, blend liquid in a separate bowl. Add liquids to dry and stir until completely combined. Pour into prepared muffin tin or cups and bake for 20-25 minutes.
Tomorrow I embark on a new adventure. I should be excited but, I’m not.
What’s the problem? Atychiphobia, fear of failure!! I bought a boot camp package on Living Social. Tomorrow will be my first session. Perhaps fear of the unknown is a part of it. I believe my brain is my biggest roadblock.
I know FOR A FACT, that once I conquer it, I will be excited. I just need to know that I CAN do it. For example, I’ve always said that I can’t run. And now I jog. I told C that I COULDN’T hike up the steep, unstable and rocky hill. With his support and cheer leading, I conquered it!! I am my own worst enemy!!
Wish me luck…
A typical Saturday at Disneyland!
A visit to the “World Famous Disneyland Band”! A great way to start the day!
Taking in all the sights; new Spring flowers, happy children, tons of goofy, unchapperoned teens, balloons and Spring Breakers!
The sister sib and I sauntered about looking for a “mostly” healthy lunch. We decided, errr I decided on a chicken salad at the Mexican spot! Yummy romaine lettuce, chicken, jicama, radishes and pepitas!! It was just enough!!
A new experience…the canoes. In all my visits, I’ve never worked that out. It was fun and a bit frustrating that my fellow rowers would NOT row!!
I brought along my new toy! The Heart Rate Monitor! I’ve always wanted to know how many calories I burn walking all throughout the park! Today’s magic number was 398!! Not too bad for a leisurely visit!!
We played with the 4S camera and took a few pics! Such a beautiful day!! I am so fortunate…
Been working on me!
About 2 months, eating healthy and exercising! Down 18 pounds!!
Still a work in progress! Motivation is key! I have my eyes on the big picture!
Not a fan of 2012 thus far! Not too much has gone my way since
I watched that damn ball drop.
I will not go into detail... Three days of anxiety attacks
lead me to post the most powerful lyrics that speak to
me from Gary Jules', "Mad World"...
Its just where I'm at...
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
its a very, very Mad world, mad world!