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Tonight, watching Parenthood, something struck me. One of the Moms was diagnosed with breast cancer. It showed her trying to be strong for her family, for her kids, and for herself. But behind closed doors, she was a mess.

I can only think of my mom. When I was born, her whole world was turned upside down. She relied on everyone to take care of me. I can only IMAGINE her pain. Her emotional pain, along with the physical pain that goes along with cancer and radiation. Did she have someone to turn to? A rock? Who helped her get through that tough time? I don’t know any of the answers, but I know she beat that fucking cancer.

Not only to have to go through it ALL over again. But this time, not ever being diagnosed. I know in my heart that she lived with cancer and KNEW it. She didn’t want anyone to know. Why? Because she couldn’t fight anymore? Because she “lived long enough”? What were the reasons? What a hard thing to live with and not reach out for help. Just to live in pain.

I miss her so much and sometimes I wish that she did have more fight in her. But who am I to judge? I’m just a girl, who misses her mom and wishes she had one more day, or week or hour.

I hope that cancer never affects my family again. But if it does, I promise to be all I can for that person.


My Mother’s Daughter


A friend asked me if they could borrow my Big Top Cupcake mold over the weekend. Every morning, I forget to take it to work with me.

She reminded me again today! How will I remember to take it to work!? Of course…you put a paper clip on the hem of your shirt or sleeve. When you get home and take tour clothes off, you will see it and remember to get it ready! Right?

That’s what MJ would do!! Several times a week, she would come home from school with a paper clip SOMEWHERE on her clothes. I’d ALWAYS ask her what she needed to remember! Worked every time.

Hope I don’t forget it in the morning, AGAIN!

30 Days of ME! -Day 8

Your Superhero!

I was never really into superheroes. Wonder Woman was pretty dope, but I was old enough to know that she was a fraud.

My superhero is my mom!! My “Dad” was barely around when I was growing up, so my mom did everything. She raised my brother and I (the 2 youngest) on a teacher’s salary, with no income throughout the summer. We were not spoiled kids but never went without. She must have done a helluva job saving her extra “nickels, dimes, quarters”!

As I got older, we didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, but I always respected her. A lot of things I didn’t “want” to do but I did because she was my mom. Early Saturday morning grocery store runs, last minute cigarette stops, personal taxi service, etc. I quietly grunted and growled as I did these chores. Now, I would trade the world to have her back with me so that I could do those things with and for her! Never take your loved ones for granted, they can be snatched from you at any given moment!!

I love and miss you mom!!

Until tomorrow…