Tonight, watching Parenthood, something struck me. One of the Moms was diagnosed with breast cancer. It showed her trying to be strong for her family, for her kids, and for herself. But behind closed doors, she was a mess.
I can only think of my mom. When I was born, her whole world was turned upside down. She relied on everyone to take care of me. I can only IMAGINE her pain. Her emotional pain, along with the physical pain that goes along with cancer and radiation. Did she have someone to turn to? A rock? Who helped her get through that tough time? I don’t know any of the answers, but I know she beat that fucking cancer.
Not only to have to go through it ALL over again. But this time, not ever being diagnosed. I know in my heart that she lived with cancer and KNEW it. She didn’t want anyone to know. Why? Because she couldn’t fight anymore? Because she “lived long enough”? What were the reasons? What a hard thing to live with and not reach out for help. Just to live in pain.
I miss her so much and sometimes I wish that she did have more fight in her. But who am I to judge? I’m just a girl, who misses her mom and wishes she had one more day, or week or hour.
I hope that cancer never affects my family again. But if it does, I promise to be all I can for that person.
1. I was a miracle baby! I was born to my mom when she was 44. She had NO IDEA she was pregnant, up until she went into labor. I had no name, no clothes, no nothing. Best of all, BECAUSE I was born, my mom found out she had Cervical Cancer. She was not a fan of doctors! She did indeed, beat that cancer and live until she was 72! 🙂
2. I am deathly afraid of groups of birds. OR single birds darting about my head!! Thanks Tippi Hedren!
3. I love love love Disneyland and all its “magicalness”! I go several times a month. For several reasons, sometimes a combo of many things; people watch, eat, ride the rides, drink, catch up with friends, watch fireworks, take pictures, etc.
4. I suffer from Trichotillomania, which is a form of OCD. I pull my hair out. I have done it since the 6th grade. I wish I could stop. Very frustrating.
5. More times than NOT, I am a major pessimist and skeptic. Lots of lessons learned has led me to act and react this way. I try to think otherwise, sometimes. I admit it is a fault!
6. I love to give gifts. The look and feeling a person has when getting a “surprise” or gift just makes me shine. Sometimes, I can’t hold onto surprises because the anticipation drives me nuts!
7. I am starting to believe that I am a clone of my mom! We look exactly alike, same career path, same bad right hip, super gray hair at a young age. So so many similarities that I share, that my siblings do NOT!
8. Katy LOVES to eat. I have a food blog, I do reviews on restaurants, I have starting my own Adventures in Food (a la Guy Fieri) and I love to cook. When my current bff met my mom years ago, she said, “I can’t believe I have found a friend that shares the same love of food as I do! We both get goosebumps over good food!”
9. Since I have gotten my BlackBerry, almost a year ago, I have been obsessive about the indicator light. This tells you when you have a text, bbm, email, facebook notification, twitter notification, missed call, etc. Whenever I see that RED light, I have to tend to it right that instant. I could just adjust settings and turn it OFF, but noooooo! Feed the obsession!
10. I am a great listener, but sometimes I need to remember to shut my mouth and just LISTEN! Not everyone is asking for my advice, sometimes they just need to vent! I apologize my friends.
11. I enjoy a wide variety of music, except country! My taste includes such artists as; Drake, Linkin Park, Wu-Tang Clan, Morrissey, Sublime, Bob Marley, Journey, Phoenix, Floetry, Jay-Z, Snoop, Sade, Wicked Tinkers, old 80’s music, my list could go on and on and on…
12. I am a fan of rollercoasters, but NOT a fan of “spin n’ puke” rides. Nuff said!
13. I am good wifey material! The cleaning aspect needs help, but all other aspects, I am golden.
14. Left Handers ROCK! Growing up the child of a teacher, all my work had to be done neatly. Kind of tricky for a lefty like myself. Some of us hold our pencils funny, tweak our papers or mal-adjust our arms. Not me, I was forces to hold it correctly. One caveat, as I write, my pinky smears my writing because it drags over what I’ve written. In high school, I smartened up! I cut a coffee filter to the length of my pinky and wrapped it around. No more smeary, nasty papers. All the extra ink went onto the coffee wrapper. ta-dah!!
15. Losing my mom to Cancer in 2004 was the hardest thing I have EVER had to deal with! We only had 17 days from prognosis to her passing. NOT enough time. All of those days were spent in the hospital. I hang on to all the fond memories I have of her as I strive to be as strong a woman as she was!!