Category Archives: venting

Empathy


Tonight, watching Parenthood, something struck me. One of the Moms was diagnosed with breast cancer. It showed her trying to be strong for her family, for her kids, and for herself. But behind closed doors, she was a mess.

I can only think of my mom. When I was born, her whole world was turned upside down. She relied on everyone to take care of me. I can only IMAGINE her pain. Her emotional pain, along with the physical pain that goes along with cancer and radiation. Did she have someone to turn to? A rock? Who helped her get through that tough time? I don’t know any of the answers, but I know she beat that fucking cancer.

Not only to have to go through it ALL over again. But this time, not ever being diagnosed. I know in my heart that she lived with cancer and KNEW it. She didn’t want anyone to know. Why? Because she couldn’t fight anymore? Because she “lived long enough”? What were the reasons? What a hard thing to live with and not reach out for help. Just to live in pain.

I miss her so much and sometimes I wish that she did have more fight in her. But who am I to judge? I’m just a girl, who misses her mom and wishes she had one more day, or week or hour.

I hope that cancer never affects my family again. But if it does, I promise to be all I can for that person.

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Atychiphobia!!


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Tomorrow I embark on a new adventure. I should be excited but, I’m not.

What’s the problem? Atychiphobia, fear of failure!! I bought a boot camp package on Living Social. Tomorrow will be my first session. Perhaps fear of the unknown is a part of it. I believe my brain is my biggest roadblock.

I know FOR A FACT, that once I conquer it, I will be excited. I just need to know that I CAN do it. For example, I’ve always said that I can’t run. And now I jog. I told C that I COULDN’T hike up the steep, unstable and rocky hill. With his support and cheer leading, I conquered it!! I am my own worst enemy!!

Wish me luck…

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CAUTION: Emo Alert!


Not a fan of 2012 thus far! Not too much has gone my way since
I watched that damn ball drop. 


I will not go into detail... Three days of anxiety attacks 
lead me to post the most powerful lyrics that speak to 
me from Gary Jules', "Mad World"... 


Its just where I'm at...
 
All around me are familiar faces Worn out places, worn out faces  
Bright and early for the daily races 
Going nowhere, going nowhere  
Their tears are filling up their glasses 
No expression, no expression 
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow 
No tomorrow, no tomorrow 
And I find it kind of funny, 
I find it kind of sad 
The dreams in which I'm dying 
are the best I've ever had 
I find it hard to tell you, 
I find it hard to take 
When people run in circles 
its a very, very Mad world, mad world! 


Carry on!!

Verizon Vent!!


Last week, my iPhone was stolen.  I had NO insurance.  Luckily, I have a new BlackBerry Bold that I used previously.  I turned that one on, but I am less than satisfied.

First off, I was just upset that I had to downgrade.  But then, I’m noticing substandard service.  So, I work it out and head to the Verizon Wireless Store to get my new phone.

Soon enough, I’m met with several roadblocks…

*The iPhone 4, 16g is retired.

*I have to ORDER the 4s 16g, and it takes up to 2 weeks.

*They will NOT change the shipping address.  I cannot receive packages at my current address.  The front gate stays locked, and I will be at WORK.

*I can only use ONE payment method.  I wanted to use a gift card that I received for Christmas.

 

In a nutshell, I had to bite the bullet and succumb to ALL there dumbass rules and stipulations.  As the delivery date approaches, I will have to make arrangements to get my phone.

For a person that lacks PATIENCE, it’s going to be a LONG 2 weeks. Pray for me!!

Someday…


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This is a very hard post…

I’ve struggled with the idea of posting this, but this blog is for and about me! So here goes…

If you know me, you know I LOVE kids! I’m kinda like a kid whisperer! In public, kids are drawn to me. I have this kid aura! That being said, when I meet new parents at work, they are amazed that I do NOT have kids. I always get: “You don’t have kids?”, “How old are you?”, “What are you waiting for?”.

It’s just not our time. Someday I will be fortunate to be called the name I’ve yearned for…MOMMY! I will have earned and prepared for it!!

I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to be blessed with a baby NOW! I’m a bit sad and jealous (not an attractive trait, but it’s the truth!) when I see all my friends as parents sharing the love, running themselves ragged for their kids and making it happen.

Someday that will be me!! I can’t wait!! I pray everyday that I can do it without the guidance of my own mom!! I can only dream, for now…

Woe is me…


I knew I should have just stayed home today!

It should have been a 4 day weekend!

I did not want to get out of bed this morning! And when I did? I DIDN’T want to go to work! But I do and I try to shake the blues with Hall & Oates on the drive in!

I get to work and within an hour, a child has a tantrum and bites me! Next, he tries to run out the gate, into the parking lot! Crisis averted, I go back with my kids and regroup!

Snack Time! I pull the snack cart over to our area and it crashes into my heel! I hold back the curse words but immediately sit down! Blood is gushing out of my heel and soaking my sock! WONDERFUL! I clean it up and 2 sets of band-aids later, I’m hobbling around like a gimp!

Luckily, the afternoon turned around! No more crisis, med-alert, tantrum or drama!

Happy Effing Monday! I hope yours is better!

IGNORANCE is NOT bliss!!


C and I went out to celebrate Beth’s birthday last night!! We get to Auld Dubliner and its packed…NO BIGGIE!! We work our way to the reserved table to enjoy the Whooligans, some food and libations.

In case ya didn’t know, C is a black dude, a pretty big black dude at that!! 🙂 We make a joke of the ratio of black dudes to white dudes.  We can count on ONE hand the amount of color in the spot, NO BIGGIE! We are used to it. 

We decide its time to leave after a few hours of people pushing our chairs, spilling beer on us and general tom foolery.  So C gets up and immediately a dude wants to talk to him about the Clippers! Huh? Really? You havent said a word to us all night. You see a black dude and you wanna talk basketball? Mind you, there’s NO sports on in the bar!! So we keep walking…another dude yells, “Hey, its the dude from the Longest Yard!” His whole lil’ crew starts laughing hysterically.  Are you kidding me? C plays it off! Me?  Not so much!! I’m on one!! My face gets all frowned up, eyebrows positioned in bitch-mode! I make sure they know that those comments are not ok! Choice words come outta my mouth! Some random girl apologizes, still not okay!!

Why do people, in 2011, think its “OK” to say those kinds of things to people? NO, it was not a racial slur or derogatory, but STILL!  That was the first time in a LONG time, something like this has bothered me this much! We get looks, “moufs” and comments from black women ALOT and are used to it! Just laugh it off! Is it more hurtful to me because they were white? I don’t know, I just know that I don’t like or condone the HATE!!

Grow up people!!

Frustration becomes her…


Ever been so frustrated that you wanted to scream?

Ever felt indescribable mood swings that you can’t control?

Ever feel like nothing is going your way?

Ever tried to fix your frustrations with food? Does it make you feel better or worse?

Ever taken your frustrations out on someone else?

Ever felt like crawling under a rock?

Hmmmm…

Holy Horrible Names, Batman!!


The latest installment of “When I’m a Parent…”  Volume 3, to be exact!

Teaching in an “urban area” (very pc of me), I have come across some very creative children’s names!  It’s always been kind of a joke in my family, “What names you got this year?” My sister sent me this link yesterday and although I find the majority of them BS, it had me thinking…

When you name your baby, that name will follow them into adulthood. All children’s names are NOT good adult names.  I have started a list of names that I love, I do not share them with too many people because they might name their baby banshee MY NAME!! 

For example, I love the name Chace for a girl or boy! But when they get older, is that an odd adult name?  I also like the thought of naming a child something original, but not too funky.  What a responsibility!! When it comes time for me and whomever, I’m sure it will all come together!!

Trust, that I will NEVER, name my baby after…

**a car: Lexus, LeBaron

**a food; Lemonjello and Oranjello

**a Clothing Brand; Darionne, Armani, Cartier

 

****Disclaimer…my blog, my opinion, my views, my choice…if I offend you? Click the lil’ red X up there! Thank you and Good Night! (Russell Simmons voice)****

 

S. T. R. E. S. S.


definition…

– strain felt by somebody: mental, emotional, or physical strain caused, e.g. by anxiety or overwork. It may cause such symptoms as raised blood pressure or depression.

– cause of strain: something that causes stress – special importance: special emphasis, importance, or significance attached to something

I woke up refreshed and ready to conquer the world…thanks babe! 😉

Funny how one minute thing can affect so much. Without going into detail…I’m screwed for the next two weeks until my next payday!

Bad headache + Excited Friday Kindergarteners = Grouchy Teacher

I apologize in advance…