Tonight, watching Parenthood, something struck me. One of the Moms was diagnosed with breast cancer. It showed her trying to be strong for her family, for her kids, and for herself. But behind closed doors, she was a mess.
I can only think of my mom. When I was born, her whole world was turned upside down. She relied on everyone to take care of me. I can only IMAGINE her pain. Her emotional pain, along with the physical pain that goes along with cancer and radiation. Did she have someone to turn to? A rock? Who helped her get through that tough time? I don’t know any of the answers, but I know she beat that fucking cancer.
Not only to have to go through it ALL over again. But this time, not ever being diagnosed. I know in my heart that she lived with cancer and KNEW it. She didn’t want anyone to know. Why? Because she couldn’t fight anymore? Because she “lived long enough”? What were the reasons? What a hard thing to live with and not reach out for help. Just to live in pain.
I miss her so much and sometimes I wish that she did have more fight in her. But who am I to judge? I’m just a girl, who misses her mom and wishes she had one more day, or week or hour.
I hope that cancer never affects my family again. But if it does, I promise to be all I can for that person.